Time Out For Some Real Talk

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   I normally do not talk about my personal life on here- I never thought I was that private a person, but I guess I am. Well, obviously I am because I was separated for 9 months before I told anyone except my closest friends and 1 sister,and I was dating HB (hot boyfriend) for several months before I told most people. I still haven’t told my father-prolly because no matter how hard I try, I am still not divorced (after 1 1/2 years of being separated) and I kinda think he will disapprove . I guess there is a still a “daddy’s little girl” in there after all.

  Of course let’s not get into some of the judging and harsh words I got when some people found out I am dating a man who isn’t a ‘born again Christian”- I was told I would go to hell basically for ‘fornicating”. Yep- she actually used that word. And then I shot her.

  Just kidding-I only grazed her. No seriously- she is a decent person, just misguided and didn’t quite know when to keep her opinions to herself.

 Personally, after being married to an abusive, cheating “christian” man and being treated badly by several others, including one demented pastor- I am pretty much over “christian” men. I think most of them are worse than the non-christian ones, because they are hypocrites and pretenders who try to convince women they are responsible for all the crap the men do. I drank that kool-aid until it almost poisoned me death. Not anymore.

     Ok-so next subject. Job hunting again at the age of 46 after having been a SAHM for 23 years. Ugh! Can I just tell you how scary that is? That voice in the back of my head telling me I’m too old and unskilled and never even finished college, so who on earth would hire me except Wal-Mart or Burger King? Well, thank God I didn’t listen to that voice because I  continued to apply for jobs that I wanted-even tho I wasn’t “qualified” and lo and behold, after months of looking- I applied for a prep cook job on Craigslist one morning and not even 2 hours later-the executive chef calls me and wants me to come in for a “trial run”! Whoo girl, you have never heard shouting like I was doing when I got off the phone. I didn’t even know what restaurant I was applying to because the ad didn’t say and Icouldn’t understand what the chef said(I did work it all out later tho-whew!) Anyhow- it’s this fancy fine dining place- and long story short- I did my trial run and he offered me the job! 

  Longer story short- I lost weight the first week because it was so hard and stressful I couldn’t eat. I almost quit several times, but how crazy would that be? I had to stay-for a million reasons- mainly money-but also because this is what I’ve wanted to do for the longest time and I cannot turn back now! It is still hard, but I’m getting the hang of things getting a little more comfortable every day. I really, really, really hate not feeling confident in what I am doing-so until that happens-anxiety continues-but chef and HB are really encouraging-so that helps.When the man I respect above all men (except my son) tells me he is proud of me- I feel like I can move mountains! (HB again).

  The greatest irony of this job is , now that I am cooking for a living- I don’t have the time to cook for my honey like I used to. Something I really love to do. ;( I would be sad about not having time to cook for my kids, but they don’t know how to eat food anyway,so it’s not a big deal. Oldest daughter is so picky, she usually doesn’t eat what I cook anyway-and youngest is picky enough to make me a little nuts. HB eats everything I give him-so that makes me happy!

  I don’t really know why I am telling you all this-but I just wanted to , so I did. So there! Real talk.

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2 responses »

  1. I like real talk. It takes courage to put yourself out there! I find the situations in my life that scare the shit out of me, are the ones where I grow the most. And it does get easier… every time you challenge yourself in a new way, not only do you grow – but you build the skill of constantly pushing to learn and be more. It’s a fun place to operate, in my opinion. Good luck to you!!

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